Messy Christmas

Meet Will and Florence. He’s freshly divorced and in denial. She’s twice-burnt and prickly. They’re a terrible idea. They know this. But every time their eyes meet, their clothes come off.

Meet Florence:
“I’ve done this before, looking for a partner or soul mate or someone-to-grow-to-love, and you know what? I’m done with that. Honestly: I’m just looking for some casual sex.  A one-night stand. Specifically, during December, because it's a weird season.”

She’s shallow:
“I don’t respond to creeps, children, married men, or fat people. Sorry. I am that shallow. I might consider couples, if you’re both fit and cute. (Shallow. Really shallow. I’m not kidding about that.)” 

She’s really that shallow:
“You’re not teasing about the hair? I can do bald, but only if it comes with killer abs.”

This is Will:
“I’m reeling from a recent divorce and incapable of having a meaningful relationship. The only upside to my situation is that after fifteen years of monogamy I get to chase all the strange I want.” 

Will has plans:
In his head, she was already naked. Was she going to be covered with freckles? Fuck, yes—freckles everywhere. He would find
every single one.  

Did I mention, Will has plans?
“See, I’ve only known you for five minutes, and I already know you like to be in control. We’re going to change that.” 

Florence likes him:
“You’re very sweet. And cute. Totally as advertised. Fit. Hair. Also, as tall as your profile said, which is a bonus. Do you know that almost all men on dating sites lie about their height? They add two inches. And not just to their c—s. Seriously.” 

But it’s not going to work out:
“You’re sweet. But it’s not gong to work out. I already know.”

Or is it?

Messy Christmas, Episode One
The Challenge - Friday, December 1
The Challenger - Sunday, December 3
One Night Stand Gone Wrong - Wednesday, December 6
Panties, Penises & Bank Vaults - Thursday, December 7
The Negotiation - Monday, December 11
Cute, Fab in The Sack, Not Interested, Also, Psychic - Friday, December 15
Routine To The Rescue, Sort of - Monday, December 18
Methadone Fail - Monday, December 18, continued
In Case You Missed It The First Time: Christmas Sucks When You're Divorced - Tuesday, December 19
Lies, Groceries & Plans: Thursday, December 21
Fake Christmas Eve Fails & Victories: Saturday, December 23 + Su