Noah Can't Even Series by Simon James Green

Poor Noah Grimes! His dad disappeared years ago, his mother's Beyonce tribute act is an unacceptable embarrassment, and his beloved gran isn't herself anymore. He only has one friend, Harry, and school is. .. Well, it's pure HELL. Why can't Noah be normal, like everyone else at school? Maybe if he struck up a romantic relationship with someone - maybe Sophie, who is perfect and lovely - he'd be seen in a different light? But Noah's plans for romance are derailed when Harry kisses him at a party... morePoor Noah Grimes! His dad disappeared years ago, his mother's Beyonce tribute act is an unacceptable embarrassment, and his beloved gran isn't herself anymore. He only has one friend, Harry, and school is. .. Well, it's pure HELL. Why can't Noah be normal, like everyone else at school? Maybe if he struck up a romantic relationship with someone - maybe Sophie, who is perfect and lovely - he'd be seen in a different light? But Noah's plans for romance are derailed when Harry kisses him at a party. That's when things go from bad to worse utter chaos. less

Noah and Harry have gone from friends to boyfriends, but is Noah ready for the difference? It doesn't help that a group of French exchange students have descended on Little Fobbing - including sexy Pierre Victoire, who seems to have his eye on Harry. Meanwhile, Noah's paired up with a girl, who, outrageously, is German not even French! But that's not all: Noah's being followed! By mysterious strangers in a black car! Is it because:. A... moreNoah and Harry have gone from friends to boyfriends, but is Noah ready for the difference? It doesn't help that a group of French exchange students have descended on Little Fobbing - including sexy Pierre Victoire, who seems to have his eye on Harry. Meanwhile, Noah's paired up with a girl, who, outrageously, is German not even French! But that's not all: Noah's being followed! By mysterious strangers in a black car! Is it because:. A. Noah's dad and secret half-brother have stolen gran's fake diamonds? B. His PE teacher is getting suspicious cash infusions from Russia? C. A drag queen is hiding out at Noah's house after a bare-knuckled drag feud? D. Noah's made some questionable life choices involving protein powder? E. Or NONE ALL OF THE ABOVE? ! less

Noah Grimes is back, in a new, original short story! Noah is v excited: his class have been shipped off to a hotel in the Lake District to study a nearby Nuclear Power Station! On arrival, all Noah wants to do is settle in to his crisp hotel sheets and get proper rest, but his conniving secret half-brother Eric Smith has other plans. Soon everyone is sneaking in and out of their rooms, sending Noah into a Tailspin. .. There’s only so much Noah can’t take!