Dear Miss Tanner,It's currently nine o'clock in the morning, which means you're already two & a half hours late for your first day of work at Hamilton & Associates.During your interview, you waxed poetic about your obsession with "being on time" and promised to be "one hundred percent accountable," but clearly, that's a godd*mn lie.Then again, to be fair, I lied to you during your interview as well... moreDear Miss Tanner,It's currently nine o'clock in the morning, which means you're already two & a half hours late for your first day of work at Hamilton & Associates.During your interview, you waxed poetic about your obsession with "being on time" and promised to be "one hundred percent accountable," but clearly, that's a godd*mn lie.Then again, to be fair, I lied to you during your interview as well. I told you that it was nice to "meet" you, but I guess now is the time to admit that we've met before.You took my online class at Harvard, and you never turned in your final paper. Instead, you sent me a dirty list that was meant for your Things I Want You to Do to Me in The Bedroom.I gave you an 'A' for amusement, but for the record, if you have to beg a man to "go down on [you]," or "give you a night of orgasms while whispering filthy things into your ears," you're probably f*cking the wrong guy.Nonetheless, when you finally do decide to show up to work, I expect you to stick to discussions about the law, not anything personal. I don't want you to ever take my rare moments of kindness for weakness. (I don't have any.) In fact, this email is probably the longest stretch of words I'll ever say to you.Stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours.Now that our formal introduction is out of the way, I'll assume that you're currently on your way into my office.Welcome to the firm,Damien Carter less
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